Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
