Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Operation Purity has been aborted
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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