Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
