so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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