I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
