I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
That was before I lit my hair on fire
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
