i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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