The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
