U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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