Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
