Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
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