Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Randomize