I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
