WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
