Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
