we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
