I feel like I'm in dance class right now
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
