I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Randomize
