worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
