dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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