His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
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