when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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