And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
