Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
