why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
