I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I have aggressive nipples.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
Randomize
