the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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