Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
