Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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