Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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