I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Randomize
