we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
