I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
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