I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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