I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
