12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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