if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
