I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
