I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
