Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
