her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
