Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
she told me i tasted like america
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Randomize
