we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
