Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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