Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize