On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
