im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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