he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
