Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
