someone get that fucking seahorse.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize