i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
