I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
