Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Randomize