i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
So squirting runs in the family.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
