Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
