Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
