ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
