i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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