He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
