I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Randomize
