If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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