he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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