My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
