there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
