He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Randomize
